The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
