why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
