I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
