WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
