You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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