Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
