Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
false alarm. still invincible.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
