i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
