I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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