No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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