nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
