I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
