i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
