If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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