It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
