ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You took a bar mat shot.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Randomize