Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize