After last night, I could never be a politician.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
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