Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
