saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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