Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
