When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
