All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
