so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
vagina is talking i cant
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
