youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
