If i come over, it means nothing
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
