so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
