Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
