I just threw up on my dentist
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
