the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
why do cheetos always look like penises
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
