i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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