She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
