Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
