nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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