She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
time to smoke my breakfast
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
