im gay
i know
yea but for you.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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