I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
