ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Randomize
