I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
