Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
