Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
3pm strippers are depressing
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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