so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
