I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
4 words: hood of his car
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize