im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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