What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
