.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
