I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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