I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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