I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
