I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
