I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
