Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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