It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
