I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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