I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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