so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
