just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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