If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You are the jesus of drinking
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
