Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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