Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize