I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
