So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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