It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
