I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize