Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
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