i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
