It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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