I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
