I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Of course I have a pirate flag
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
