i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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