I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
