I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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