remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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