I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
smell my finger.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
