things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
