Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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